hatslinger | MONDAY NIGHT

[ How did Jack find out about this? Did he get his own flyer just to rub it in? Did Rhys snitch because he's #obsessed? It is a mystery. But regardless, Jack is definitely showing up at the start of the party to express his opinion on the matter. ]

Yeah, reaaaal mature. "This is a girl's only party"- [ Jack does an imitation of a girlish giggle here, a true teehee ] "No boys allowed, except they actually are, but not Jack."

[ He crosses his arms and leans against the door frame at this point. ]

So just pointing this out: I wouldn't have wanted to come anyways. But now I do. Just because you called me out. Ergo, this is stupid and you're stupid. [ handsome jack: also the epitome of maturity ]

[ there's just a mile long stare from fiona. who told him?? WAS IT RHYS? it was probably rhys. either way, not they had to deal with this problem. god can't you just let them listen to katy perry in peace jack?

she points the nail polish brush right at jack menacingly. ]

Don't you have somewhere else to be an ass? We'll throw you out if we have to.

[ she's starting to regret not having done this in the viewport where they could lock him out. ]

Also, you are way too good at giggling like a school girl. Kinda creepy.

Not if everyone comes to your stupid party, no.

[ What's the point of being an ass if no one is around to hear it? It's the modern tree in an empty forest question... He makes a dismissive noise, then waves his hand around vaguely. ]

And it's one of my many talents. Don't be jealous. I'm great at voices. I could be, like, a voice actor or something. I don't know.

I think you're a little too far in your career track to change now.

[ considering the kill count and all. she says this in a teasing enough voice, though. honestly this was pretty hilarious and she's almost glad jack showed up to make an ass of himself. every party needs a token ass. ]

You sure you don't want to paint your nails? I bet Taylor'd be into it.

[ It's never too late to add to your resume is what's on his tongue, because he's Handsome Jack. It's not like he couldn't just pick up something else that proves why he's the best. Luckily, this is less interesting than arguing the second point, since he waves his hand dismissively. ]

Yeah, I'm sure. Have you seen these hands?

[ He holds them up and scoffs ]

Like, if you want color on them, whatever, but I just go with plain manicures for a reason, kiddo.

[ Jack is definitely one of those CEOs that gets manicures. Also unkempt nails can be inconvenient when personally murdering someone. It's mostly that case. ]

Don't worry, you can be a girl too, dude. We can call you Pretty Jack, find you a nice dress, give you a makeover. You'll fit right in.

[ she's kidding but that would actually be a great idea. ]

[ Jack rolls his eyes and shakes his head ]

What? No. No? Just no.

[ He makes an exasperated noise, then waves his hand from side to side lightly. ]

Listen, as fantastic as my legs would look in a dress, no, thanks. I'm here to complain because this Pandoran is calling me out for no goddamn reason.

Aww, funkiller.

[ she's disappointed in you, jack. ]

"Pandoran", huh? Sounds space racist, are you a space racist. Why did she call you out, huh? Relationship gone bad? Oooh, are you two a couple?

I mean, pro—

[ Jack is about to straight up admit that he's space racist, because fuck bandits, but, no. Rose continues, and it's easy to see how the revulsion comes to Jack's face immediately at that last part. ]

Oh, do you seriously- Jesus, no. Never. She's not even anything close to my type, oh my god.

Could make you a girl.

[She's got the kunai she was brought with in her hand, flipping it up and catching it again. THREATENING PEOPLE WITH CASTRATION AFTER A MURDER MYSTERY seems safe and logical.]

Then you'd be welcome.

Uh. That's okay, thanks.

[ Jack holds up his hands as if to assert the "no thank you there", but his expression is still fairly flat and annoyed. ]

Listen, I don't even want to stay because- hell, why would I? Not really into the whole nail polish and makeup thing. The callout is just rude and uncalled for. [ no it's totally deserved actually ]

I mean, you're here.

[SO YOU KNOW...]

Seems pretty necessary to me.

If it's so stupid, then why are you here?

[Marinette is also five, you're in good company, Jack]

Uh, obviously I have to respond to this callout? That's pretty much PR protocol numero uno, kiddo.

[ Jack says this with the sort of tone like this is perfectly obvious and not that he's just a sensitive baby ]

So you came to sulk you weren't invited to the party?

[because that what it looks like, Wahsome Jack!!!]

[aka: she is a little shit, it's her]

MONDAY NIGHT - girls night

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